As I was going through my script, and analyzing it, I ran into a problem. I understood the script, and understood what was required of me from the script. I just didn’t know how to deliver it. For a few days, I went through a limbo phase where I managed to figure out what was missing within me.
Emotions. I was unable to express myself, or rather, I would express it only after I have had time to process it within my head, and think of the long term consequences of my expressions. I was too heady. And as an actor, I have to be expressive over being heady. I had a problem. And I had no idea how to go about fixing this.
And, so after a talk with Dennis, I was realized that I have to learn to express myself before my head gets involved, and explore that side of me. As “fate” would have it, I had a chance to be angry and I wailed a lot in my anger. I then used that anger to fuel the emotions in other scripts and monologues. This led me to a realization that every emotion comes from a root of “caring” and “love”. Even “anger” and “hatred” has roots of “caring” and “love”. I become happy because something that I “love” is happening, and I become “angry” because something I “love” isn’t happening. I feel “hate” because something bad is happening to what I “love”. And so on.
Compassion is at the root of everything. Every emotion is connected. They are not separate emotions; we see them as separate because we have defined the range of emotions in words, and given specific meanings to segregate them rather than unite them; as is with all. Alas!
So, problem solved. Right? Wrong. The real problem was “how to deliver the life” to words written on a paper, with proper emotions. Not faking it, but feeling it.
This is where “awe” comes in. I am in awe of how stupid someone is (frustration), or I am in awe of the person I love (love), or I am in awe of my idol (starry eyed), or I am in awe of someone who runs blindly after money (hatred), or I am in awe of someone being 1.5 hours late (anger); give or take. This feeling of AWE, in various forms and intensity is how we can delivering the life to the words on a paper.
For reference: We read the article as mentioned in one my previous post about AWE [New Scientist :: Awesome awe: The emotion that gives us superpowers] and took time to understand it. And as soon as this new found “super power” got activated, acting became that much more fun.
So, I have to change my whole life. And I can’t wait till I feel “awe” every single moment of my life; whether it be positive or negative. Otherwise there is no life, it’s just “bleh”.